http://www.planetquake.com/minako/

With no extreme-hyper-giddy personality behind the site maintainer, it's almost a disappointment and a relief at the same time. Although, as expected, they do choose to replace every period at the end of each sentence with a ^_^. Hell, I'll probably end up downloading this mod. I might even attempt to play it, once or twice. With this mod, my fantasies of jumping around as a short-skirted 14-year-old stupid girl can be fulfilled. Thank YOU, Minako! ^_^!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Actually, realistically, that one server I said I'm going to stop going there: I changed my mind, it's a very good server. A T3 line with 20 player max. And it looks like they took de_dust off. Horay! 208.44.192.10:27015 Feel free to go there and join me.

Anyway, what I really wanted to update with was that my friend was using our computer for a bit last night, and he found some news about the upcoming N64 first person shooter, Perfect Dark. I wasn't too interested, but he started downloading a promo movie made by the people at Nintendo, and I helped him save it to the hard drive. So I looked at it this morning, and suddenly there was one thing I wanted a screenshot of. It didn't work out, so I went to the IGN site to see if I could find a different file format that would let me take a screenshot. Instead, I found the very screenshot I wanted to make, with the caption coming straight from my own brain, "Oh thank you, Nintendo. Thank you very much."

Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm. NICE.

Er, hello! That was really kind of inappropriate. As the maintainer of this site, I have no point in getting all turned on here. I should be leaving that to all the other slutty video game mags out there like PC Accelerator or PC Gamer or something. Really now.

OH MY GOD.

Ah, but for fun. Photo thanks to IGN, who ruined Mr. Cranky. And thanks to Nintendo. I always wanted to be a woman, and now with Perfect Dark, I can be. WAIT A MINUTE.

It looks like I still have a cold.

Another after effect is how bitter I notice my previous news entries were. Bitter, BUT TRUE. I guess I should apologize for it. But I won't. If I were to regret anything, it would be complaining one tiny little bit about Action Half-Life. You know how those people get, similar to Kiss fans in that way. It's like giving a gun to a crackhead and showing him your wallet, thick with hundred dollar bills. I am inferring that Action Half-Life players will go totally psychotic at the first provocation. They probably would, because only fanboys with no fucking life or brain play Action Half-Life. And I wouldn't want those people, who just so happen to be fucking giant losers, to be upset with me.

But really, I do like Action Half-Life. It has good play and a big load of variety. And my brother really enjoys sinking a thrown knife into someone. The hand cannon is a ripoff though. Two shells per shot for about ten fired pellets (firing with both barrels), which means that if you're standing about ten feet away from the target, you can, and most likely will, literally shoot all around them and not hit them once with anything, and then you'd have to reload the gun manually to try again. You'd think a shotgun, sawed-off, that's actually called a "hand cannon" would seriously hit what's in front of it. Really. But I'm questioning Action Half-Life, and now for that fans will be on my ass with all sorts of rationalizations for a simple undeniable fact. If they read this site. Which they don't. If they were to come here, they'd already be crying after seeing the banner and running to my e-mail address to fire off a letter about how they're going to sue me for my personal slandering of their clan.

I still have a cold.

One more thing, here's a site that you should read a lot of. http://www.detonate.net/ This site is like a fucking work of art. Seriously. The NEA should give a grant to these people.

My brother, Jsoh, write up a guide to the Counter-Strike weaponry (which is DOUBTLESSLY the best bunch of weapons in any mod or video game, EVER), and I did a bit of editing and adding my own comments to it, so it's an official collaberation. This was finished a few months ago already, specifically for this site, but I'm just now getting around to adding it. Before I did, I fixed a couple things about inaccuracies in the information due to the changes in the latest beta (this was first written up on the day beta 6 came out, which is why we held back on it because we knew we needed time to make sure all the weapons were correctly studied). The weapons guide features the specific characteristics of each weapon to help when it comes to buying and using the weapon, and also the pet names for the weapons so you know what they're called and what to call them. Go read it.

Also, on an even more personal note, Jsoh and I, inspired by the entertaining wav files at the Planet Half-Life Wav Pool, made our own Half-Life wavs. We submitted all of them to the Wav Pool, and as I see with their latest update, they've passed over our exciting epic tales of death and destruction in Black Mesa for two minute wav files of the hit sounds in Half-Life strung together repetatively. Ever since Fragmaster left Planet Half-Life, it's gone STRAIGHT TO FUCKING GODDAMN ASS HELL.

So, to have these MASTERPIECES see the light of day, I'll just host them here. I'll probably later make a new page for them where I'll put all the misc site stuff. But not yet. And I recommend you actually listen to the wavs before reading the descriptions, because these descriptions actually tell a seperate tale even more bizarre than we could've ever made into a Half-Life wav about people dumber than Counter-Strike beta 1 hostages. And the bitterness is distracting too, but COMPLETELY APPROPRIATE.

scieats.wav
Jsoh made this one for Halloween, sent this in, and they never ever put it up on the site. The editing on it is a bit screwy, and it would sound confusing to anyone who's never played Half-Life, most likely. You'd think it would seem too abstract to the Wav Pool people, but if you actually listen to the rest of the wavs hosted at the Wav Pool, you'll find that most of them are pretty odd, and not all perfectly polished, and even less easier to understand than Jsoh's little story here. Our standards for our wavs are really being compared to all the wavs on the wav pool. So "originality" is based on how much it seems familiar to other Wav Pool entries. This one was definitely original, as most of the Wav Pool wavs actually are (which is why the Wav Pool was originally a fucking awesome site).

thatsmell.wav
Just a short little wav I made myself. Truthfully, it's not really that original. But it's short, so it's not like it's a bad download.

average_day_at_BMRF.mp3
The giant epic of total chaos and nonsense. Jsoh and I both worked on this, and we wanted something that was going to be our ultimate Half-Life wav, even in mp3 format. Jsoh and I finished this after a while, and we were proud. We sent it to people for their review. A couple people's only complaints were the excessive screaming of the scientist near the end, and I understood their complaint, but it was still an original idea then and getting rid of it would've left something missing from the wav (not something desired, just something missing). However, after we submitted this to the Wav Pool, we were not only passed over, but they actually preferred a cheap, watered-down ripoff of ours. Get this. They actually instead put up a TOTALLY FUCKING STUPID fourty second long collection of the scientist screams, and NOTHING ELSE. No story or explaination, just a bunch of fucking screaming, and not even different ones, the same ones over and over. Hell, even ours was half the time, and only used each scream sound once, and was INCLUDED inside a larger wav. I remember finally downloading it, and listening to it, it was so agonizingly fucking dumb that I immediately lost all of my respect for the maintainers of the wav pool web site. Let's face it, compared to our mp3 here, that screams wav is the fucking stupidest thing ever made by a human being, end of fucking story. This was when we came to the realization that total fucking retards were now running the Wav Pool site (the original creator of the site is now nowhere to be found either--probably replaced by a 12 year old cousin of Mugwum or some shit). What a bunch of fucking morons. And yet we still attempted to submit ideas to the damn site, to see if anything we made could get posted there. They still updated with some original and funny stuff, but more and more the wav pool is being saturated with flat and dull "repeating sounds" wav files. If I knew the repeating screams sequence in ours was going to be a bad omen, I never would've put it in.

HL&Fallout2.mp3
I thought that if anything of ours could be submitted to the wav pool (no longer deserving of caps), it would be a collaberation of Half-Life and another good PC game, Fallout 2. But it didn't. Maybe our wav files aren't getting sent. Then again, maybe the moderators of the site are FUCKING STUPID. Anyway, this is an mp3 just for space constraints. The "average day" one was an mp3 because we felt it would be more "epic" that way, with proper credits and everything.

what_is_egress.mp3 what_is_egress-directors_cut.mp3
Two small wavs which are the most recent ones I've made. I didn't even know what egress was, but it sounded like an animal or something. I was probably thinking of "egret." Egress means "an exit," or "to exit" (I forget). I guess I can say that at least this is even more odd now. The "director's cut" version has an added couple of lines, but I felt like they kind of ruined the wav. BECAUSE I'M SUCH AN ARTIST. Seriously. I can say I'm an artist, and no one can argue with me, because anyone who argues with me is instantly WRONG. Anyway, I recommend the normal version before the "director's cut" version.

And that's all for the little wav collection we have. Oh yeah, one more thing, FUCK THE PLANET HALF-LIFE WAV POOL. Fucking jumping-Quake-fag wallet-chain-wearing SELLOUTS.

Okay, now I don't have to update this site for another year.

"You'll play the part of Neo (Keanu Reeves)"

Wow. That's exciting. Keanu Reeves is actually playing a character in a Half-Life mod, apparently. Judging by this site and Voodoo Extreme, they're giving out video game site domains to pretty much everyone. Soon, the only good video game site out there will be Old Man Murray. It's currently the best one, though. It's only a matter of time.

Anyway, I won't be updating this site with any REAL news for a bit, because I'm currently down with a cold or sore throat, or both. Let me tell you all about that. I remember when I used to have chronic sinusitis as a kid, so I would constantly be spewing and leaking giant sticky globs of snot from my nose. I'd always be using my class's kleenex supply, and toilet paper when I'd exhausted that. And I couldn't blow it, either, because it was too thick. I'd end up blowing out my eardrums trying to blow my nose. So I'd just have to wait until it came out by itself, and just wipe my nose. My shirt sleeves and blankets all had crusted snot on it. Sometimes even couches and tablecloths and my mom's sleeves and friend's sleeves. Well, okay, not really. It just seemed funny to say that. Anyway, it was a runny green sweaty hell I had to live with for a few long child years--same for my brother, so he knows what I'm talking about. I remember one of my friends pissed off at me because I kept sniffling all the time. He told me to just blow my nose. He was really pissed off. Which means he was actually just really FUCKING STUPID. But I don't blame him. Sometimes, people (other than me and my brother) just HAVE to be stupid. I think they just feel like they have a reputation to uphold, by being stupid. Or something. That's why I eventually want to move to Canada and live a mile underneath the earth, only leaving my underground shelter by cargo elevator to visit people on very rare occasions (like, say, to watch someone die). I am hoping to be a millionare by then, so I can have servants just bring me food, while I watch movies on the movie theater I have built in my giant underground bunker. I'll even have a pop machine, with soda I won't have to pay for! And some popcorn, too. Then I can be away from all these Americans who are selling their heavy metal albums so they can buy wallet chains and Limp Bizkit albums and Metallica's S&M.

Now, if anyone else in this house starts complaining about them catching cold tomorrow, I won't care. I'll just say "SHUT THE FUCK UP, OR WE'LL FUCK YOU UP." Just like my brother once said to mom. It was funny. And a good thing to say. Unfortunately, the "we" part won't be fitting. Oh well!

I think someone needs to say it to 3DGN, by the way.

"HL Matrix is part total conversion, and part mod"

WHAT? How did such a redundancy get past their editor? "Part total conversion"? Did they just forget how to spell "partial conversion" or did the writer feel that an oxymoron was what the review needed? Ugh, never mind, I'm going to be throwing up red snot in a minute if I keep dwelling on the total assault to English grammar that is the above quoted sentence. It's almost as dumb as the infamous Lewis Black (GO THERE) quoting of the dumbest thing he's ever heard in his life:

"If it weren't for my horse, I wouldn't have spent that year in college."

And, as Mr. Black suggests, don't think about that sentence for more than three minutes, or blood will be shooting out of your nose (or so he says, and I'd take his word for it).

Well, looks like this will be enough of an update for this site to last a long while.

Fifteen time-cubits of MOTHERFUCKING tarry.