- 5/23/01 10:56:21 AM

http://www.ztnightmares.com/ You can't even think about fake guns in school without getting expelled. Not to mention being caught with asprin. Does that justify having police officers come in and throw the kids around and strip searching them, before punching them in the face and telling them that they'll never see their parents again? I'm sure most of us have heard some of these stories, or stories like these. The school system, which we've escaped from before it turned into this, has found a way to stifle even more of the natural and even fun things that kids find themselves doing, like the whole "fake guns" thing, or "talking." If Jsoh and I were in middle school (i.e. junior high) when Zero Tolerance was in effect--well, we'd be a lot younger now. We'd also be expelled. That would save us the time and trouble of just skipping school once or twice every single week (I think there was only one single week in the entire school year that we went for the full five days--but even I doubt that). Later, in high school, I matured enough to just start skipping three to five days in each week. Once I started skipping a whole week (usually because I had a winter cold), I'd just start skipping all the weeks after that until we had an important school meeting. Then I'd try to go back, and REALLY TRY THIS TIME. Then I'd last a week and end up out of school. Judging by the bullshit that kids are up to their necks in already, with teachers and school boards and police, no wonder we didn't want to go. Our time WAS better spent at home doing nothing. After missing enough days in high school to the point where I wasn't really in high school anymore, I really did have a meeting to consider giving it another try. I really told myself I'd do it this time. Fortunately for me, my subconscious mind, in cahoots with my buried personal feelings(!), found a way for me to wake up with a painful stomach ache just about every single morning, unless I got 16 hours of sleep already. If I didn't, the only way to make it go away was to skip school (literally, if I went to school the stomach pains would just sort of sit there, but if I stayed home they'd go away in about 15 minutes once I started enjoying myself and maybe playing a little Goldeneye). Those ZT stories also made me wonder if Jsoh would've been expelled for writing this in his school issued assignment book (i.e. "red book"). We have a bunch more pictures like that, a testiment to how bored we were in our 14 year old days. They would probably be fun to put up some time, if we can squeeze them all down past 100K.

- 5/19/01 7:54:18 AM

[Note from Jhoh: we wrote this for that crazy alt.games.final-fantasy newsgroup recently. It was in Jsoh's "update to site with" file. So I'm adding it here. Just laugh at it, people. Humor us.] By Jsoh and Jhoh Cable Paradox woke up this day the same way he woke up every day: by putting a double-barreled shotgun in his mouth, and telling himself that he had to work up the nerve to not pull the trigger AND FACE ANOTHER DAY. He was suicidally depressed because he was a mysterious FFAG with a heart of gold, a chip on his shoulder, and two in the bush, and he wouldn't take no guff from no one! But he was so CRAZY AND INSANE that his entire life of not doing anything was a torture! Except this time, apparently, he DIDN'T work up the nerve to face another day, and instead worked up the nerve to pull the trigger. Fortunately for him, that's WAY WAY WAY more nerve than he could ever have. Unfortunately for him, the gun was loaded, and the trigger pulled anyway, reducing his skull into a gargantuan mist of blood. All of this sadness was caused by the fact that this evil Nep kid was making fun of Small Girl! In order to "defend" her, which was unnecessary enough as it was, he had to reduce himself to a blathering, whimpering pathetic crying machine, humiliating himself endlessly in front of the other FFAG regs, but none of them would notice since they were the exact same as he was. So he went into REG HEAVEN with all the other dead FFAG regs, results of suicides caused by the EVIL NEP BROS, RAR. Plus, all the people that Atma killed, with his magical Flare spell. Most people just sat there in heaven, wondering how they could be killed by a 500 pound shut in who can barely type without bashing multiple keys at once. Then God said "IT ISN'T YOUR TIME YET," and the regs said "YAY" and they all turned on their magical jetpacks and flew home. TEH EDN

- 5/19/01 7:53:45 AM

Pay It Forward. There's two reasons why I want to see this. The first one is obvious: it looks like a turkey from hell. I just put a movie poster from it up as wallpaper. WHEN SOMEONE DOES YOU A BIG FAVOR, DONT PAY IT BACK, *PAY IT F:)RWARD*. The o in forward is actually a tree graph thing with stick figure people in the center. This is all unfortunate because I like all the actors on the top of the poster, and I had a really cool WW2 Q3 powered screenshot up previously. Anyway, second reason is that I want to see Helen Hunt in tight fitting clothes with exposed midriff. I am dying to see that midriff DOODE. Bon Jovi fucking sucks.

- 5/19/01 7:51:49 AM

http://www.iwantanewgirlfriend.com/ Lame. WOW THIS GIRL TALKED TO ME ON AIM, HOW COOL IS THAT?

- 5/19/01 7:51:03 AM

http://www.eye.net/eye/issue/issue_04.23.98/plus/necro.html http://www.eye.net/eye/issue/issue_04.30.98/news_views/nottheed.html These are both very old but I remembered that someone sent the article to my brother through the mail, back in early 1999 I think. I just think it's funny. Especially with Ally slurping nut off her face. I'm pretty sure wummyn felt empowered to no ends by that scene, but to actually have a load of jizz on their lips would make them PUKE.

- 5/18/01 12:54:48 PM

I beat Half Life. Just thought I should make that clear, so you can all worship me. And yes, it was on hard mode. Never gonna fall for. Walks beside me. Walks on by. Gets me to the church on time.

- 5/15/01 1:17:05 AM

The ultimate anime show! Japanese World War 2 Heroes. A handful of perky Japanese teenagers fight evil Americans immediately following the first atomic strike in Japan. The kids must single-handedly repel a massive American invasion, fight off a super dee duper American prototype robot that can change shape, and lead an invasion back into the heart of America, to win the war for the Japanese! They fight with love in their hearts to protect Japan's right to drop anthrax and the bubonic plague onto innocent Chinese civilians! Characters: The "super group": This is the group of Japanese teens who have vowed to avenge Japan, taking up the Bushido code of fighting until death or defeat (whichever comes first). Together, they can unlock their mysterious inner powers of love and empathy to become super extreme muscle-bound killing machines. Their battles usually end up with lots of Japanese property being incinerated or obliterated in lots of flashy, emotionally devoid scenes. Hokocati: Male, 16. His entire family was killed by the first atomic bomb (in an extremely graphic and detailed scene), and he vows to get revenge on the inferior Americans. The radiation seems to have given him super powers, yet, like all anime fans, he is depressed all the time, and really whiny, mainly serving as a counterproductive member of the Japanese team (just like every anime character). Kororkorz: Female, 18 (huge tits). Tortured older female. Her family was killed too by the bomb, except for her grandmother, who threw herself of a cliff when the Americans started invading some of the Japanese-captured islands. As the elder of the team, she takes the role of commander. However, she's mostly over-emotional and rambles on about the nature of war in mankind, and tends to preach a lot about the spirit of the Japanese Gods being superior to America's God or some such--however, BY NATURE, none of it is really interesting or important to the plotline. She also uses her superiority status to suck and fuck every male member of the team. AND I DO MEAN MEMBER! LOL OMG!!!!!!!!!!! Rooror: Female, 12 (also huge tits). Tortured female. The perky comic relief, who is never funny, ever. Kazahaki: Male, 13. Tortured youngest male. He's in love with Rooror, which adds to even more screamingly hilariously unfunny comic relief. Hazimoto: Male, 15. The "mature" male of the gang, he's really just a figurehead for the receiver of Kororkorz's meaningless sermonizing. Oh yes, and he's also very tortured. Americans: Most of the American troops are just stick figures standing around waiting for the super group to incinerate them or beat them into dust (literally). ON OCCASION, the troops will try shooting them, but it's only after the Japanese hero teens have powered up to their super power strength thingy, and the bullets have no effect. General George S. Patton: Even though he was dead by the time the Americans fought in the Pacific, what anime fan would know that enough to tell that the writing in this show is hack bullshit? [Update: I wasn't sure anyway, but I went ahead with Patton being dead by the time we faught in the Pacific, but he didn't die until after WW2 was over--a few weeks after at least. However, I do know that he didn't do SHIT in the Pacific Theater, that was all MacArthur and friends. A new anime series, perhaps??????????] Super Robot 12A34: A ruthless cyborg designed by the Americans to kill the super group. Character motivations and plotlines: The American army, under the command of Patton, is incredibly stupid and goofy, leading to a lot of drawn out unfunny comic scenes that go on just a little too long. The first scenes in the show will be about a half hour of over-the-top violence, explosions, and gore, of the atomic bomb blast. The kind of scene where the director or writer wants to "personalize" the horror of the event, but fails by making it too melodramatic and exploitive. One notable scene is Kororkorz's brother, after the bomb blast, suffering from radiation poisoning in his bedroom (the house unscathed from the blast). Lots of anime posters on the wall, and he's playing some goofy video game (never mind that they just had TVs back then). He seems to be really into it, twitching, with a pitch red face. Then he starts spasming round violently until his entire head swells up and explodes. The mother comes in, and is so distraught that her head explodes too, and lots of gore and brains fly all over the place. For some reason, the mother's head explosion is more violent than the son's. Kororkorz ends up getting raped a few times from the Super Robot, but she always likes it, ala every single rape in every single anime, ever. The 12 year old girl never has sex or is nude--that would be wrong. However, the 13 year old boy ends up fucking Kororkorz every way from Sunfuckingday. The show ends with the super group making a brave invasion into the United States, and destroying Washington DC with one single overpowered and inexplicable blast of energy--created without a shred of logic, but just as a cheap device to further the plot without having to think too hard. When the super group fights Patton, he reveals his true form about 10 different times throughout 20 episodes. The president also reveals his true form, but one time. Except he turns into a 1 mile high evil robot with 50 huge fleshy cocks that rape both females (the 12 year old won't be SHOWN at this scene), while also beating the shit out of the males so much that most of their clothing is torn off, and they do a lot of outstreched-arms-straining-against-the-power-with-chests-puffing-out stances. Subtely draw in giant erections in their pants, but it won't be obvious enough for an anime fan to notice that perhaps the show they've been watching is really just extremely homoerotic. The 12 year old being raped will be secretly hyped by the fanbase, but then it'll be ruined for everyone when she's not shown. Expect some fans to commit suicide out of disappointment. (Special thanks to, uh, some gay Pokemon porn fan, who added a few ideas I had forgotten, such as the president revealing his true form and raping grrlz.)

- 5/13/01 12:08:19 AM

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY

- 5/12/01 10:33:15 PM

http://pornolize.com/cgi-bin/pornolize/pornolize.cgi?lang=en&url=http%3A%2F%2Fclansrgay.clanpages.com&submit=Pornolize%21 It's really about time I plowed that I should stop screwing for Plows to put up the sex fighting message fucks again, because they won't. And there's a plowing site that has free UBB type masturbats. So, again, the titty fucking ClansRGay message board is back up.

- 5/11/01 6:53:50 PM

"Teenagers in my world (and a whole lot of young adults) are petty, self-possessed, self-indulgent and superficial. Most of their emotional moments are rather thinly veiled attempts to gain attention and self-respect. Love relationships, while theoretically supposed to be the LEAST infected with cynicism and ego inflation, actually feature the the worst cases of both." - Jhoh Ford (friend)

- 5/9/01 10:00:11 AM

It's really about time I realized that I should stop waiting for Clanpages to put up the message boards again, because they won't. And there's a site that has free UBB type boards. So, again, the ClansRGay message board is back up. http://pub101.ezboard.com/bcreexul I fixed the message board button on this site, too.

- 5/9/01 9:20:46 AM

B'tren reads the old Google posts. Let's talk some more about them! Just so the readers wouldn't have to be alone in their disgust. I wanted to save this log and put it up on the site, but then stupid ass LOSEamp froze the computer. What a bunch of bullshit this fucking bullshit is.

- 5/6/01 1:16:05 AM

It was a big day on Jesus Ranch. :( I have a gargantuan update to make now, and I don't have to worry about putting it off anymore so people will see our PHL review submission request, first thing, since that event is over. Google has revived(!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) the original Dejanews Usenet archives, which means that a bunch of the ancient posts I made to alt.games.final-fantasy (a.k.a. FFAG) are viewable to a cringing, disgusted public. If you want to see something horrible, click here. All of my old AGFF/FFAG posts, when I was SO SENSITIVE AND FRIENDLY WITH EVERYONE, yet I lived in the same room with my brother and never even talked to him. Something was seriously wrong back then. You can see the train wreck for yourself, from a giant assload of worthless posts from 1998 to 1999. This will be more than you can swallow. What I really wanted to update with, though, was a bunch of posts of personal Word docs and stuff from late 1999, when I finally disowned myself from the group and started attacking the regs there, with my brother, FLYING ON OUR STEEDS THROUGH THE GLORIOUS BATTLE. A lot of these posts won't make much sense, since they're about friends I had. The one thing you'll be able to get from reading them: gut-wrenching disgust. That translates through, no matter how much you don't know about what's going on. Oh yeah, and inside the posts I have summaries, and before the actual URL to the post, I have summaries. I figured the original summaries needed updating. First post: BLEEDING ROCKS, also known as "Staple Guns and Paper Clips." In this fic, I pretend to drink, and I pretend I'm a massive DRUNKARDLOL HEH ;-)!!!!!!! I shame myself for life--this is the original newsgroup community "fanfic" that I've since disowned. The only fanfic I will take credit for writing is Creexul. This is several chapters of the entire fic, so if you read through the WHOLE thing, I can only pity you. In the actual post, I only posted it so I could delete it from my hard drive. Remember, these posts were made AFTER I was disgusted with the whole thing, to sort of absolve myself of all the shit I'd ever done or felt about the newsgroup before. I was a big loser. Local Google Second post: "Lost" fic chapter where I fuck Sailor Neptune and she sucks me off in a parking lot. I tried to go for creative writing here. I failed. I was lonely. WARNING: you may vomit from the retardation of this "chapter." Local Google Third post: Shitty poetry. REAL shitty, and not fake shitty. The kind that makes you want to walk away. Local Google Fourth post: More poetry, and I reveal what all these poems are always about (in the actual post, not in the poem)! Local Google Fifth post: A chapter from a real book I wanted to write, back when I was an intellectual inferior. Back then I thought I was going to be a writer. Yeah, and before that I thought I was going to be a dentist. The only thing I learned from these phases is that I don't know what the fuck I ever want to be. Fuck being something. Local Google Sixth post: Notes for future "plot points" for my "Bleeding Rocks" fic. I put "plot points" in "quotes" because really they're just "fucking retarded blatherings and idiotic ideas and notes." There's also some other shit about mom feeding us a stove, or some rambly shit like that. I learned from this that I should never write or type down ANY single personal thought, ever, because they always either come out sounding retarded or just ARE FUCKING RETARDED. Local Google Seventh post: Now this is hilarious. This is a gar-fucking-gantuan ramble I wrote when our internet account was shut off for a couple months in the summer of 1998, about my ETERNAL LOVE SOULMATE FOR LIFE. I wanted this rambling shit to get relayed to her, not that she'd care (she easily forgot about me completely while I was gone--probably trying to shut me out of her mind because I CAUSED HER SO MUCH PAIN BECAUSE OF MY SOFT FLUFFY LOVE). I never got around to sending this to her. Meanwhile, I tried to get my sister to relay to the newsgroup that I'd be gone for a while because of the internet--and I didn't know if I'd ever get back to the group. A few people on the newsgroup asked where I disappeared to, and mrry wiDOUGH, as a sort of afterthought, posted that I "had problems" with my internet account, or some dodgy shit. After I got back, I gave her a straight year of endless headache, until I emotionally assraped her and sent her into permanent hiding. Local Google Eight post: Here's another "lost" chapter where I pretend to go all INSIGHTFUL and think about HOW I GOT DISILLUSIONED TO whatever. I'm not even going to read it that much to find out what it's about. It had nothing to do with the story, it was just stale, self-indulgent rambling. I was probably just still emotionally scarred from that whole mrry widough bullshit. Local Google That's the last one. If you've read any of these, I really feel sorry for you. I don't feel sorry for myself for reading them. I know they're hilarious, so there's a great reason for posting them. Plus the whole thing is a learning experience. It's IMPORTANT.

- 5/4/01 7:46:38 PM

Well, according to Planet Half-Life, our Action Half-Life review has "objectionable content," and therefore they can't even link to it. Apparently their "in-house" Walter's World ripoffs aren't objectionable, even though they water down the entire concept of Fragmaster's original epic tale of a perpetually perverted Half-Life scientist. Imagine you've gotten into Half-Life, so you check out PHL, and you read their "Cutter Bolt" stuff, and then you figure "eh, not interesting," and don't even get around to checking out the original Walter's World, back when PHL was run by someone with a real talent for comedy. THAT'S fucking objectionable. Now that our site has been officially deemed "objectionable" by a big-shot web site, I figured we'd show it off by linking to our objectionable review with an objectionable banner, right under the SvenCoop banner at the top of the site. I got the banner from this weird smilie site.

- 5/3/01 1:50:53 AM

It's time: we can prove now that someone DOES read our site. And we can put this proof to good use. If there is anyone out there who wants to try to do us a (very) small favor, here's a little internet activity for you. For a few days now, I've been e-mailing Planet Half-Life, trying to get them to post our Action Half-Life review, as the often do with just about every single other review of every other mod. I've also tried to get a friend or two to e-mail. Now I want readers to e-mail them. NO MAILBOMBING or spamming. Just give the URL to our review (http://clansrgay.clanpages.com/reviews/actionhalflife.html), and say something along the lines of "THIS REVIEW OF AHL IS REALLY GREAT, AND I WANT YOU GUYS TO PUT IT UP, OH MY GOD I'M SO EXCITED ABOUT IT," or some shit like that. It might help to point out the obvious fact that our review of AHL is the most objective and insightful review of any mod in the history of the mod community, and it's an IMPORTANT piece of writing. You can build on those topics all you want, as long as it involves informing the PHL guys that it would be stupid to not post this AHL review. Here are the addresses you can use for submitting. news@planethalflife.com jeh@planethalflife.com onemanarmy@planethalflife.com (new guy) skaven@planetquake.com ladyice@planethalflife.com There's a bunch of other addresses at http://www.planethalflife.com/community/staff.shtm Go ahead and send a mail to each person, but just one. I don't want anyone to think that we're DESPERATE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! for attention. If you're a reader of this site, and you don't do this for us, then you aren't allowed to read the site for a whole month, and you have to send YOURSELF ten e-mails saying that you are stupid.

- 5/3/01 1:38:19 AM (ACTUAL DATE THIS TIME, JISSOUGH)

The Mission Impossible 2 Special Edition version is on sale. The "special edition" invovles the entire movie being in slow motion now.

- 5/3/01 1:37:22 AM

http://www.dack.com/web/flash_evil.html This is also OUR outlook on web sites. "Flash" doubles as a great description of the usage--more flash than substance. Flash is mainly for Dragon Ball Z fans who want to show off by spinning text around on the screen and blasting white blurs all over, ala the shitty show. I'd go on about this, but there's nothing more I have to say that you can't just read on that link, WHICH YHOU SHOULD READ.

- 5/3/01 1:30:33 AM (not actual date, more like a couple days ago but still after the below update)

/me has replaced lol as the all time lamest thing you can do say or think ever over the age of 13.

- 5/1/01 7:07:09 PM

http://www.dack.com/web/bullshit.html I have to put this up somewhere so I don't lose it.

- 5/1/01 2:24:26 AM

Here's some great pizza jokes you can use if you're playing on the Axis team, in Day of The Opposite Of Winning. What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? A pizza is delicious. What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? Tomato sauce. What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? If you want a Jew delivered to your house, you have to write a movie script first. BECAYSE TE'RE IONB CONTROL O EOF THEM MEDIATH GET IT What's the difference between a Jew and a pizza? I don't know. Here are a few good pizza jokes if you're on the Allied team! What's the difference between a Nazi and a pizza? A pizza doesn't cry when its entire country is completely obliterated and turned into dust. What's the difference between a Nazi and a pizza? A pizza is not racist! And. What's the difference between a Nazi and a pizza? A pizza can't use a Mauser. And it's also delicious. BITEW: http://clansrgay.clanpages.com/boatingaccidentfaceoff.jpg This makes great wallpaper. What's the difference between Megan and a pizza? The red stuff in pizza isn't cunt fucking blood, MEG. Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas is a fucking excellent movie, and so is Patton. You'd have to be a dummy dumb teenibopper to think otherwise.