[Josh Cable--Master of Puppets]

Did I point out that this is their best album ever? This is their best album ever.

Fuck these sellouts.

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[Josh Cable (back when we were both dumb)--Load]

I think the sell-out mentality that people are complaining about is damn near a laugh riot. If Metallica was going to sell out, they wouldn't try sounding more "alternative" (which is exactly what Load is not). Besides, why would Metallica sell out? Answer, no reason, other than brainless metal fans (as opposed to the rest of us metal fans) are trying to rationalize the new sound away as being "sell-out". 10 out of 10, but I don't really like Reload.

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[John Cable--Load]

I don't see why we all go to review this album, and we just all end up tripping over ourselves to accept this as some sort of growth and maturity, when really they're going from hard, screaming, jackhammer metal, to soft, untalented, easy-to-play, alternative nu-rock. And we tell ourselves, "well they've grown as artists!" When really, they're just doing what will make more of their albums get yanked off shelves by ski-mask wearing Korn fans. This is not real music. This is a corporate ploy. It's just a way of getting you one step closer to buying the bullshit fake rebellion that record companies have shrink-wrapped and put a $20 price tag on (hence Fred Durst doing a duet with Christina Agulrlagra on the MTV Music Video Awards--how fake does corporate metal really have to get before people start realizing that they're not SUPPOSED to be thinking?).

Record companies don't know what real rebellion is, so they just make a carbon copy of it, and create the IMAGE of some sort of rebel band, wearing dark clothing with scary faces or masks or makeup or whatever gimmick is necessary to make you think they ROCK. And that's what Metallica has turned into.

And a lot of old Metallica fans don't want to just say "hey, this isn't any good. These guys are sellouts." We want to say "hey, the music is softer and less threatening. These guys are really mature. I want to go out and buy an SUV right now!" But the truth is, no matter how much of a knee-jerk reaction it was to just say that Metallica is a bunch of sellouts, it's just true. It only seems like knee-jerk because it was so clear from the start after opening the album up and looking at the cover and the liner notes. It's just a shadow of what Metallica once was. Listen to "Ain't My Bitch." It sounds aggressive, but it's not the same. It's the sound of Metallica trying to sound as aggressive as they once were. And don't say that they just don't have the youthful anger, because why is the song on there in the first place if they aren't so angry anymore? It's all about that record company illusion of rebellion and aggression.

For a while, I actually told myself that yeah, I like this album. And musically, to tell the truth, it's not bad.

But you see, it's the principle of the thing. If we let record companies know that we'll buy any fake product they sell us, then it's just one step closer to hell. Just another foot in the already-dug-grave, where musical integrity and real art is going to go.

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[Josh Cable--Load]

I still liked Load, as far as the music went.

When a band changes their sound to reflect their growth or whatever, it's usually not very drastic. It's usually the same genre, but different in some small way.

I dunno why, but Metallica went from being a metal band on the last album to not even bothering to act like they knew what metal was or is. They have totally abandoned everything metal, and just play these gay country ballads.

Mama Said is the worst song on here. The rest is listenable as far as music goes, but this shit isn't Metallica. As far as I am concerned, Metallica is dead. Since S&M, I realized that they didn't have the will to try making great music anymore.

Load is pretty much an alternative album. I would say it was classic rock, but the production is too modern. Plus, they try to sound angry at some points. Unfortunatly, because it's not metal anymore, all of their anger just sounds like whining. Self-depreciatory whining, which is just fucking gay.

Not a bad album, but I would rather hear it done by NIN. Because that's what most of this sounds like. I mean, Poor Twisted Me? Or whatever that song is fucking called.

This was their worst album until Reload and S&M. The vocals took a fucking nosedive into the ground after The Black Album. I think James started using a vocal coach-AH or something-AH. Gay.

So I like the album. But this was the last time I liked anything they did until that song No Leaf Clover, which was co-written with a team of 80 record company execs and studio musicians. Doubtlessly. No Leaf Clover, the over produced high point of one of the worst live albums ever.

At least Megadeth is coming back, or so it seems.

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[Josh Cable--Garage Inc.]

Yea, the second disc is a classic. Even the newer stuff from it was pretty damn cool. I am of course talking about the Motorhead songs.

Disc one is a mixed bag. On the one hand, it shows that Metallica are excellent musicians. On the other hand, they're sellouts. Such a tough descision.

I bought this instead of Master of Puppets, and I curse that. Not because this is a bad album, but because I should have gotten Puppets instead, as a rule. But oh well.

Half the songs on the first disc are all terrible choices. The other half are all run of the mill. There's a few interesting things in those, like a cover of a Bob Seger song, but that novelty wears off after about 2 minutes in, with James' 100th AH tacked on to the end of a line. Or something.

Fuck these sellouts.

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[John Cable--Garage Inc.]

Disc 2 is naturally good, but disc 1 is the most pretentious circular item of music that we currently own. Disc 1 of Metallica's Garage Inc. is just plain faggoty.

Fuck these sellouts. They just don't have enough millions of dollars.

And by the way, yes, disc 1 is also alternative. If it has guitars and yet endless amounts of "slow start/loud whiny chorus" vocals and playing, then it's alternative. It's also alternative if it sucks. Hence Metallica being an alternative band ever since Load. If you currently still have respect for Metallica, you shouldn't be allowed to listen to music or have opinions. You're just a big waste of resources.

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[Josh Cable--S&M]

Ok, here's something we can agree on! Yay, Metallica, with a faggy orchestra! Well, we always seem to agree on EVERYTHING MUSICAL, so I'm sure S&M is just an awesome album. Man oh man, is it an awesome album.

Seriously though, No Leaf Clover sounds goddamn awesome. It's certainly a cool song, and it's another GIANT step in the Load direction. I mean, the song is even more different than stuff on Load, while also sounding similar to TBA. The song really rules.

The only bad thing about the song I guess, is that fucking dumb orchestra. I think classical is ok and people who occasionally listen to it for it's musical qualities are in their right mind, certainly. But orchestras and rock music DOES NOT EXIST. Rock was made to KILL all that smaltzy whites only music, which it succeded in. Micheal Kamen can eat my ass. The "Rock and Roll Ensamble," I'm afraid not Mike. Fuck Kamen and Fuck his Final Cut fame.

But I suppose he might have wrote more than just the orchestrated parts on No Leaf Clover. In that case, I give him a SMIGIONLY SMIGON of credit. Because orchestras and rock bands just = GAYNESS.

The above was not meant to reflect the homosexual community of our world. It is simply used as it's own word, as an insult. YOU FAGS.

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[John Cable--S&M]

Fuck these sellouts.

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[Josh Cable--S&M]

Yea, Metallica and a fake orchestra. Any orchestra assembled in HellA is just plain phony.

I'm not debating that they sold out with this album, because they didn't. They sold out when they started suing fans. My debate is that cramming a completely unrelated and overdone movie soundtrack into your live-AH album-AH doesn't equate to "classically trained," or even listenable.

And just because Mr. Nosering was classically trained (Cliff was not, he was self-taught) doesn't mean that Metallica was meant to put a shitty LA symphony behind the band. LA being the capitol city of morons and posers.

And no, black metal bands almost never use a real orchestra. It's called a synthesizer, and it duplicates the sound of real instruments by use of sampled sound effects and notes. Blind Guardian did use a real orchestra, but they also threw in a fake opera vocalist. The same fake opera vocalist they used on all their other albums. And of course, they're still really queer. Fuck those pussies.

The symphonics in this album don't even match up with the real music. Kamen threw some left over Aerosmith sheet music on top of some Metallica songs, and Hetfield went AH and WAH for two entire hours. That's what S&M really is, in a nutshell. The whole thing reeks of a movie soundtrack, totally unrelated to any of the goddamn songs that the band is actually playing. Kinda like all of Kamen's movie soundtracks. Just a big collection of musical stings. Sorry, but that's not music, and it requires no talent at all. You know what talent is? Heavy metal, just in general.

What was done on this album actually requires NEGATIVE amounts of talent. It's certainly one of the worst live albums since Kiss' live bullshit. Not like it's as bad, because then none of the album would have been recorded live, and S&M is at least live.

Megadeth has actually returned to playing metal, because Mustaine knows that this poppy nu-rock crap isn't even fucking worth writing or thinking about. The new music on that Best-Of is excellent. Thank God for Megadeth.

(two milliseconds later)

Whoops, didn't even read that last one, and it was a reply to me. Darn.

And it turns out to be a fairly worthless reply. Just more sucking up to a band that's so past it's prime that it's both funny and sad. Kinda like the actual message directed at me.

By proclaiming that I said "classical music is smaltzy [yes, sic, I didn't bother looking it up] whites only music," you bring up the question, "are you on peyote or something?" I don't know, maybe you're not a very good reader, or maybe English isn't your first language.

Wagner dealt mostly in operas, which is a different writing field from classical, obviously. So I answer my own question with a resounding yes. And you defeat your own argument.

20 years ago, Metallica left SoCal, with the loud and proud exclamation of "LA SUCKS!" And not only were they right, but LA went right ahead eating up bands like Poison and Scorpions. Now they're collaberating with arguably the worst symphony on planet Earth. That's what a sell out is. It's when a person defies logic and rational thought to look cool or make more money. Kinda like a certain someone who gave S&M a 9, or maybe the person sticking up for classical and ignoring the fact that S&M is still a terrible album.

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[John Cable--S&M]

Aside from limp bizkit, Metallica has to be the biggest sellout band in the history of the music industry. And S&M has to be one of the most embarrassingly bad corporate/alternative rock albums ever. The first little hint was Michael Kamen's name. The second was the words "LA Rock and Roll Ensemble." The last was the title of the album. There's absolutely no talent going into the playing of the orchestra--my cat could ACCIDENTALLY play better than that. There's really nothing interesting going on music-wise, which completely destroys the entire concept of there being an album at all. This album is so bad, Lars plays on it. That's just how fucking terrible it is.

It's a nightmare of music, made even worse by the syrup-thick trendiness surrounding it. A fucking orchestra. Talk about running out of ideas. Anyone who's a fan of this album is just kidding themselves. Thousands of losers thinking that just because there's an orchestra screeching tunelessly behind the band, suddenly it's high-art and it "FUCKING RAWKS DUDE." These people are too afraid of real metal, instead opting to gulp down some watered down "we're-just-finishing-up-our-contract" lie of music.

I don't care if Cliff would've let this happen or not. Cliff is dead. What he would've ever done about anything doesn't matter. For all I know, he would've been all for this album--therefore deserving the death he got.

S&M is the worst thing ever made by a group of dark-colored-designer-clothes-wearing sellouts, ever. This is Metallica's Kilroy Was Here.

Reviews by:
John Cable

Josh Cable

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